If you have been following along, this year in a big way I have been exploring the concept of being an alchemist in our lives, where we are trying to create one thing and, when that thing becomes tangled up with an unexpected ingredient, we come up against a choice. Do we choose to pursue what this new element has added to see what it will create, even though it’s different to what we set out or expected to come of it? Or do we stick to our guns and set it aside, to start all over again because there is something very specific we are looking for in that moment and only that will do, a choice which requires a certain determination. You might notice that when put this way, there is no good or bad choice, no right or wrong, or perceived negative versus positive.

Allow yourself to apply this concept in anyway situation where it is just your perception creating the affect. For instance, if something you wanted is on your mind even though it may not have worked out, the worst thing you can do is tell that part of yourself thinking of this thing that it is wrong for still wanting that. That only causes an inner conflict that is deeper than you can imagine. I’m not saying this means keep pursuing something that’s not working or even pushing back against working. That’s a whole different question I cannot answer for you. I just mean that we need to stop chastising and berating those parts of us that desire what they desire, regardless of what other parts of us say. In doing so, we are directly telling our own selves that there is something wrong and ‘bad’ with us. That something needs to be fixed, which then only makes that part of us speak louder in the invalidation that it feels.

Sometimes just acknowledging and allowing it for what it is is the key to letting it release. The only difference is it starts that release in its own time and at its own pace, not that by which we determine for it. In the process we are accessing that often missing part of self love that includes acceptance of all parts of ourselves, including the shadow parts. When we accept and own these as part of us for what they are too, we are loving MORE of ourselves. Not just choosing the parts that make us feel good and happy to love.

For those who are more logic-minded, think of it as a percentage. To keep it simple we’ll go with the following: imagine 50 per cent of yourself (your body, your mind, your beliefs, all of it) is the part that you enjoy; the happy, joyful, sunshiney bits you love for people to see. Then imagine the other 50 per cent is the shadow you. The parts that you are ashamed of or think ‘shouldn’t be’ that way (this includes those parts that want the things that you think you should be over by now… Just as an example). If you only love the sunshiney bits, you are only able to love up to 50 per cent of you. However, if you learn to love, embrace and accept the shadow parts as well, you automatically get to love closer to 100 per cent of yourself. So if you are like me and truly practice self love but can’t quite figure out why you’re either still not loving yourself wholly or why people keep telling you that you need to love yourself first before *blah blah*, take a little look at those shadow aspects. And don’t be hard on yourself. It took me a while to get to the point where it all clicked. Cognitively, it was something I understood. But it took a bit for the practice of even trying to love those other parts before it all started to come together. Give it time. And compassion. The goal isn’t ever to become a master. For when we do, we automatically lower our teachability. We are always mastering instead. Be kind to yourself.