It’s Christmas Eve right now and I’ve found myself recently observing the different responses people seem to have to this time of the year. There’s definitely an air of excitement for the impending break from work – many people seem to be needing that respite from busy work life, with a lot of those I know excited about not having much planned for Christmas Day or the days following. Others seem anxious for the New Year, where 2017 has felt mostly challenging for them and they’re keen to leave it behind to step into the fresh and new. And then you have those that don’t seem to have noticed the festive season at all, and this can be for all sorts of understandable reasons – perhaps they don’t celebrate Christmas itself, or they’re working through so it’s just another public holiday off before getting back to the grind, or something else.
Something I’ve observed in myself these past few weeks is an excitement for the festivities of Christmas, a season I historically LOVE and get excited for but haven’t felt as much of an enthusiasm for in more recent years. This is my first Christmas working only for myself, without the buffer of having a full time position to support me, or the workplace to feel festive with others in, and yet I don’t feel the same (confusing) underlying… dread?… that has been present. I feel a bit freer this year to step into the enjoyment I so dearly have for this time, and with more empowerment in the decision to actually spend my time how I choose to.
Having said this, last week in particular I was also working through something I imagine most small business owners go through; the feeling of “Am I doing enough?” I’ve always been someone who champions self-care like nobody’s business, and yet when there is this business, this lifestyle/vocation/passion to share in my way of living that is Jessica Leigh Yoga, that is both my love and my responsibility to take charge of so that the work I’m doing is fulfilling and beneficial but also financially supportive so that I can continue to do so, there creeps in the wondering and borderline guilt – should I be doing more?
In a time that feels more like an incubation period than one to take action in, the answer to this question can be a little ambiguous. If I look back at what i’ve achieved this year – leaving my full time job almost a year ago to the day, to moving on from my part time transition role back in May and really taking charge of my direction, which includes building more connections with local businesses and my students (new and existing) to creating and launching a brand new Podcast in partnership with an amazing local therapist/coach – I can certainly feel proud of the steps that I’ve taken. The recognition for myself here is that I’m not done. Where in the past I might have felt that this is enough, that answer is no longer suitable for me. There’s no complacency in me right now. There is so much more I want to offer, share, create, and grow from here, so the question of “am I doing enough?” is more than relevant. However, in practicing what I preach, I need to allow an answer that doesn’t reek of self-judgment. Simply the awareness that it’s not all going (or possible) to happen at once, and that each step makes a difference.
I share this because I feel like it’s important to be aware of how each of us can do this to ourselves, in whatever context. It’s good to hold ourselves accountable for the actions we take towards our goals, but the part of ourselves that is questioning that enough-ness needs to be allowed to acknowledge our achievements over the past year, to be given space to identify and understand where we want to go next as we enter the new year, and the how will come as you take each step. And often more clearly when we’ve allowed that incubation time when it’s asking for it.
With that said, I’ve spent some time this week getting creative and allowing any potential ideas for what I want to bring to you next year to exist, even if just on paper for now. I spent that time, without expectation or stress on results right now, to see what’s already in this head of mine. And then I get to put that aside and take a break from all work-related planning, specifically between Christmas and New Years. After which time, I’ll pick it up again and see what wants my attention. Then I’ll be able to take the next steps for it to happen and share more with you!
If you’ve come along to one of my classes or workshops this year, I’m so grateful to have been able to share that space with you. If you’ve signed up to receive my emails, I’m thankful for your ongoing interest in what I have to share.
Wishing you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas and a safe, beautiful, joyous, and love-filled festive season and New Years.
